Half way through first ever landing page... really appreciate any comments

[Feenz]

Hi All

Following on from some very appreciated comments and suggestions in THIS thread.

I'm now working flat out on my first ever landing page.

I was just about to type what the product was, but suddenly thought, it might be better to just give you a mock-adwords ad (not optimised) and for you to look at it, so I can see if it gets the message across.

This is just the first 1/3 or so of the page (at time of writing) so lots more to come and will be adding to it in stages over the next 24 hours or so.

So.. an example pseudo ad :

Advanced Impreza
Subaru Impreza Driving Techniques,
from the World Record Holder

(OK OK.. its a rubbish ad.. but here's the link - and the url will change when launched)

http://www.scoobysport.com/fhww/advancedimpreza/

I'd be really grateful for any comments and advice you can give me at this stage.

Cheers

[Sven]

Looks really nice!

I know the copy is not ready yet but so far the only thing that stands out to me is "introduction", I think you could lose it as the site is now.

But keep going!

[storm33229]

Petter should be Peter

[Feenz]

Originally Posted by storm33229

Petter should be Peter

It's actually Petter.

Thanks Sven. I'll drop the "INTRODUCTION" title. Thank you.

[flyingduck]

Love the site - real attention grabber!
What are you using to set up the template/site?

Suggestions:
- put a couple of testimonial in the upper right or left corner
that emphasis benefits

- a short video clip would be great too, but optional

[Feenz]

Originally Posted by flyingduck

Love the site - real attention grabber!
What are you using to set up the template/site?

Suggestions:
- put a couple of testimonial in the upper right or left corner
that emphasis benefits

- a short video clip would be great too, but optional

Thank you!

I'm just mocking it up in photoshop currently, and then using dreamweaver to put some basic layout in place.

Will redo all the html once I'm happy with the general layout.

Good idea re the testimonials. Do you think its really important that its high up on the page? I'm a bit concerned about spoiling the visual impact of that top section. Which may be a stupid thing to be concerned with as the current layout may hurt sales.

I plan to try many different versions anyway.

[JKohlbach]

Haven't got time to read the content atm, but the layout is nice and the colours are a good choice. Don't forget to put your title tag

[bmonsma]

Hey, very nice. Love the colors and the button to download. Very attention-grabbing. Quick ideas:

Say something dramatic, like "Drive like your life depended on it" somewhere bold. It adds excitement.

Name it something cool. If I hadn't read your posts on here, I'd have to search for what the product is.

Your captions are great and I think they could be tweaked to be really effective. I'd find it more effective if the catchy one that said, "Well, over it, anyway!" Talking about the stage said something like, "Phil and Petter on stage, or rather, a few feet above it!" Keep it one sentence and professional. My grammar could be off and maybe check my use of commas.

Impressive site overall. Nice first go.

Brandi

Edit:

Just a quick glance at your site again reminded me to suggest trying really hard not to dog the car or anything about it. You don't want to sound like you're pushing your product by making a dramatic deal about faults in the car. As a potential customer, I'd become skeptical if I heard or sensed that. If I were a customer, I'd think you obviously like the car, otherwise you wouldn't race it with enthusiasm, so you must really want to sell this ebook if you're talking about certain aspects in such a disparaging way.

I think you could be borderline doing that now. Maybe reword it a little so it's softer. It's a fine line between softer persuasion and selling that makes people skeptical. I think that's why Tim suggests pawning negotiating lower on a boss and offers excellent guarantees. So people feel safer taking the risk and he can sell less on the "front-end" if that makes sense. Be less forceful, just appeal to what customers would be interested in, anyway.

Bye again. Don't want to hurt your feelings by offering feedback...

[JDSalinger]

Hi Feenz,

I agree with other posters regarding the color scheme and layout. This is very good and looks very professional. In addition, its seems to fit the product model, it looks very cool looking and doesn't look to salesy or cookie cutter like.

If I were to make a suggestion, maybe make it clearer exactly what it is that is being sold and why the customer wants it. When I first read through this the first time, it was unclear to me on exactly what you were selling and why I would want it. It seems that you are selling a book that is teaching you how to drive a certain car really well. However, this is unclear to me and, I imagine others might be as well.

The other part of this is make sure you are showing the benefits of this. It seems you may be making the mistake of listing the features instead of showing the benefits. This is something I personally have trouble with on my landing pages and is why I am pointing it out.

Otherwise, I agree with the previous comments that this is a very good landing page especially for being your first one.

Hope this helps,
JDSalinger

[Feenz]

Hi Brandi

First of all, please don't worry about hurting my feelings. Your feedback is very much appreciated. I don't know what I'm doing here, so any guideance that can reduce the amount of trial and error is gratefully received

Say something dramatic, like "Drive like your life depended on it" somewhere bold. It adds excitement.

Great idea, thank you.

Name it something cool. If I hadn't read your posts on here, I'd have to search for what the product is.

Do you mean the title of the ebook?

My thoughts at this stage are :
1) The adwords ad will clearly say this is an ebook which is for sale, so if anyone clicks it, they know its a book.
2) If you arrive at the page, and are in the mood to think about buying a book on driving techniques for that car, I want that top part of the page to be enough to just draw you in enough to scroll down. Lowere down the page I was planning to start the harder hitting stuff.

I'd find it more effective if the catchy one that said, "Well, over it, anyway!" Talking about the stage said something like, "Phil and Petter on stage, or rather, a few feet above it!" Keep it one sentence and professional.

VERY good advice. Thank yo.

suggest trying really hard not to dog the car or anything about it.

Interesting point. I think I was coming at it from the other side, and trying not to oversell the car. In other words, I wanted to say.. look, I'm not absolutely in love with this car, so I have credibility when I say that overall they're outstanding. Maybe I've overdone it, and will look at tweaking the wording to soften it as you suggest.

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Hi JD, thank you.

make it clearer exactly what it is that is being sold and why the customer wants it

Yeah, clearly this is an issue. I need to really think about how to do that if we all think its necessary to make it that abundant on that top section. I was planning to use the top section just to draw people into the rest of the copy, and then drive it home in that. Will have a good think.

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Thanks guys!