Support desired

[Nice]

How do I find someone to help me in business decisions without having to pay him while being sure that he will tell noone about my business idea or do it himself?

I would like to make decisions with someone else who is competent in my niche. A partner, who could get his share.

Those I found either saw me as incompetent or I viewed them as either incompetent or unlikeable or unreliable.

Ideas?

[Nice]

Hello? .

[outofbandii]

Your local government should have an "enterprise" support group of some kind. For example, in Dublin, Ireland it is called the Dublin City Enterprise Board. They provide training and grants, but also free or inexpensive advisors called "mentors". Your local authority may provide mentors.

You should also look to see if there's some kind of networking, either formal, like BNI or a startup business network run by your local authority, or informal, like Open Coffee.

[Nice]

In how far does that help me in my situation?

FYI: I am living in germany.

[outofbandii]

Well, if you're looking for advice from a neutral party, for free, then a mentor is great.

Or, if you're looking for a business partner to take a share ownership of the business, going to network events is better. Even better is asking family and friends if they know anyone in business that you could talk to - you might be able to meet them for coffee or buy them lunch and get their opinions.

[Nice]

Or, if you're looking for a business partner to take a share ownership of the business, going to network events is better.
To understand the following you should know that my clothes look more like Zuckerberg's than those of Obama. I am 28 and male. I experienced these meetings a few times.

Besuited people wearing ties trying hard to look professional. You go in. What do you do? What are your expectations? Be naive and go the nicest looking man, tell him this as an opener: "Hello. I am looking for a mentor, do you want to be my mentor?". He smiles, the two of you talk about how awesome this meeting is. "Because you always meet new people". Then you go home, knowing that you met new people. The problems you are facing are the same, though. Sure you could also open the conversation with "I am looking for someone to support me in X, Y and Z. Then he can say "I cannot help you". Then you ask the whole group the same question. Noone can help you. You wasted your time. And have the feeling that those people disrespect you.

Even better is asking family and friends if they know anyone in business that you could talk to - you might be able to meet them for coffee or buy them lunch and get their opinions.
No friend or family member knows anyone who happens to have decent knowledge in my work environment.


Some fundamental issues:
- How do you find those fast that help you?
- What do you have to offer to make them help you?
- What is really behind those get-togethers? What are other people's motives?

[outofbandii]

To understand the following you should know that my clothes look more like Zuckerberg's than those of Obama. I am 28 and male. I experienced these meetings a few times.


I know the feeling. I was very much the same (when I was 16 I bought a book "How to Make Smalltalk" - and it was not about the programming language :))


Besuited people wearing ties trying hard to look professional. You go in. What do you do? What are your expectations? Be naive and go the nicest looking man, tell him this as an opener: "Hello. I am looking for a mentor, do you want to be my mentor?". He smiles, the two of you talk about how awesome this meeting is. "Because you always meet new people". Then you go home, knowing that you met new people. The problems you are facing are the same, though. Sure you could also open the conversation with "I am looking for someone to support me in X, Y and Z. Then he can say "I cannot help you". Then you ask the whole group the same question. Noone can help you. You wasted your time. And have the feeling that those people disrespect you.


No friend or family member knows anyone who happens to have decent knowledge in my work environment.


Some fundamental issues:
- How do you find those fast that help you?
- What do you have to offer to make them help you?
- What is really behind those get-togethers? What are other people's motives?

I strongly recommend you get a book like this one (I have it): http://www.amazon.com/Networking-Survival-Guide-Success-Tapping/dp/0071409998

It helps people like you and me (more logic based, less natural interpersonal skills) to understand others better.

You asked 3 things:

1) Fast... don't worry too much about fast. Worry about Good - that's far more important.

2) Offer - people want to help other people because it makes them feel good about themselves. Learn more about the psychology of what's going on. For example, what do I get out of writing replies here that might help you? I feel good that I helped some guy in Germany who is like I was 4 or 5 years ago when I was starting out in business (I was a software engineer for 7 years before that).

3) Motive to have networking? Lots!

Loneliness - some people in business work on their own.

Like-minded people - some people in business have no friends who work in business - like when I started all my friends were programmers - I couldn't discuss business ideas with them over a beer.

Learning - you can learn a lot from just talking to people at these events.

I gave a talk recently at a university, it's not entirely relevant to you but might be a little bit useful - here's the link (http://www.websitedoctor.com/blog/life-mostly-harmless/), and feel free to tell me it was completely useless if that's the case :)

[Nice]

I know the feeling. I was very much the same (when I was 16 I bought a book "How to Make Smalltalk" - and it was not about the programming language :))
I got that book, too.

I strongly recommend you get a book like this one (I have it): http://www.amazon.com/Networking-Survival-Guide-Success-Tapping/dp/0071409998 It helps people like you and me (more logic based, less natural interpersonal skills) to understand others better.
I have good interpersonal skills. I just don't know how to reach my said goal on such business meetings. Having skimmed through your book, I still don't know how. Your book is a general approach to talking to people, as it seems. Not goal oriented, but for people to be "more social". If I am social business-wise, I want it to be effective.

1) Fast... don't worry too much about fast. Worry about Good - that's far more important.
Fast means: Find those fast who don't waste your time to spend quality time with them.

Offer - people want to help other people because it makes them feel good about themselves.
I am sorry, but this is too gullible to me.

For example, what do I get out of writing replies here that might help you? I feel good that I helped some guy in Germany who is like I was 4 or 5 years ago when I was starting out in business (I was a software engineer for 7 years before that).
Alright, I admit that I do have trust issues. But they come from years of experience, having heard exactly those words and being defrauded shortly after.

Loneliness - some people in business work on their own. Very good statement. This is a reason for me, too. Alas, Loneliness is a one-way street. You want the other person to feel less lonely business-wise but he does not return the favour. IME there is always one who gives more than the other. I am a giver at the beginning but soon I become a taker when I see there is nothing coming back.

Like-minded people - some people in business have no friends who work in business - like when I started all my friends were programmers - I couldn't discuss business ideas with them over a beer.
These are all things which don't help me in my issue. Should I conclude that I cannot solve the problem mentioned via networking?

Learning - you can learn a lot from just talking to people at these events.I have got an information overload already. I don't need more. I need LESS. I need someone to think for me in special parts of my business. Encourage me to make decisions. Be my second brain, be someone I can outsource tasks to.

I gave a talk recently at a university, it's not entirely relevant to you but might be a little bit useful - here's the link (http://www.websitedoctor.com/blog/life-mostly-harmless/), and feel free to tell me it was completely useless if that's the case :)
Well done.

[outofbandii]

I think you need to deal with your trust issues. People know when others don't trust them, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Best of luck with it.

[Nice]

I think you need to deal with your trust issues. People know when others don't trust them, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Even though I disagree, this is an interesting point of view. Do you trust yourself less than others?

[outofbandii]

Don't quite understand your question.

What I'm talking about is in physical meetings with people, if person X doesn't trust person Y, then person Y will pick up on it from subtle body language (even if X tries to hide it).

Y will have a feeling "I don't like X, even though I'm not sure why". And because of that, they won't trust X. That's what I mean about it being self-fulfilling.

[Rossyboy]

I've been to a lot of business networking meetings and I'm not good at talknig to people. However, at these events there is always a few people that thrive on it and if you're on your own, chances are one will talk to you. And these chatty people tend to know the rest of the group, or a proportion of them (in my experience!). I used to let them explain what it is they do and then ask them questions about the other attendees ie Is this a regular meeting for you? Do the same people usually come? Do you know anyone else here? What do they do etc etc and then you can get an idea what other people do just by talking to one person. I found it helpful anyway!

[pharmsj4]

Nice,

What you are looking for does not exist. The person who is going to be your mentor will not also be the person you outsource tasks to. It does not work that way.

Lets take a few things off the table:

To understand the following you should know that my clothes look more like Zuckerberg's than those of Obama. I am 28 and male. I experienced these meetings a few times.

This may be okay if your niche is as a programmer or designer, but if your niche is high finance you need to re-think your brand. Dress like your customer. It creates a mutual ground.

- How do you find those fast that help you?

Finding someone fast is not the goal. Finding someone good is. If my start-up took the first VC money that was offered we would be bankrupt. Be selective. Take your time. Business does not happen overnight.

- What do you have to offer to make them help you? Equity? Cash? Services?

- What is really behind those get-togethers? What are other people's motives? The same as yours.. to find a good business partner, investor, young entrepreneur, etc.

Alright, I admit that I do have trust issues. But they come from years of experience, having heard exactly those words and being defrauded shortly after. Arrogant statement. Protect yourself better. Get something in writing. Someone with "years of experience" would know this.

[Nice]

I've been to a lot of business networking meetings and I'm not good at talknig to people. However, at these events there is always a few people that thrive on it and if you're on your own, chances are one will talk to you. And these chatty people tend to know the rest of the group, or a proportion of them (in my experience!). I used to let them explain what it is they do and then ask them questions about the other attendees ie Is this a regular meeting for you? Do the same people usually come? Do you know anyone else here? What do they do etc etc and then you can get an idea what other people do just by talking to one person. I found it helpful anyway!

I am never lost at those business meetings. It is me who talks to people he finds interesting or to people who seem to be of value. I am not hesitant. The problem is that those conversations do not lead to what I want.

I want to have someone I can call who supports me in business decisions. All the time I read about people who meet each other at business school and found a business together. When talking to them I am constantly checked for incompetence. Oh and I am not presuming this, trust me, I know what is going on. So I made a habit out of it keeping the upper hand. If I go down, he will go down, too. He is not going to validate me. I am validating him. And the more arrogance comes to me the more arrogance comes back to him.

Interestingly after some time doing that some men I talk to give in. And become nice and respectful, something most people never experience with those men.

[Nice]

What you are looking for does not exist.
You don't understand what I am looking for. See above.

The person who is going to be your mentor will not also be the person you outsource tasks to.
I disagree.

This may be okay if your niche is as a programmer or designer, but if your niche is high finance you need to re-think your brand. Dress like your customer. It creates a mutual ground.
I am not aware that all facebook users wear sandals.

Finding someone fast is not the goal. Finding someone good is. If my start-up took the first VC money that was offered we would be bankrupt. Be selective. Take your time. Business does not happen overnight.
You don't seem to have gotten into the funding business quite deeply, have you?

The same as yours.. to find a good business partner, investor, young entrepreneur, etc.
Thinking about it, their goals are more than anything whether they like each other. As a next step they screen for the same values.

I am disappointed that noone brought that up so far.

Arrogant statement. Protect yourself better.
You are so protected even if a bomb is falling on your body, you will survive without a scratch. Tell me your secret, how, just how do you survive those bomb attacks?

Geez...