FreedomFinder
10-02-2010, 02:14 AM
Hello 4hWWer's,
Long time no talk. I don't know if any of you remember me, or if any of u were here during when I posted, but it's been quite some time now away from these forums, and it's good to be back.
I havent had a job for some time now. A very long time. The closest I've come in the last couple of years, was a couple internal affiliate positions I had a long time ago. One of the guys I worked with there referred to himself as my "boss". I was there for a grand total of 10 weeks, which was twice as long as the position I had after that.
Anyways, in lieu of the 4hww spirit, I've been sort of working for myself, as an affiliate salesperson, in the Loan Modification industry, and I also spent 5 months in Thailand. I'm 22 years old right now.
I've come to a point where I feel like I'm stalling. In order to succeed in the business Im in, I felt like I had to temporarily move back in with my father, so I didnt have to pay rent, and tho I did this, and was able to live in Thailand for a while during this time, I feel like the Loan Modification business is deteriorating, and that I had this one shot to succeed at freeing myself from cubicle prison, and I'm not succeeding at it. I dont have the money to go off on my own now, I barely have the money to afford new leads. The company I work with is unresponcive to me, and rejects most of my business for one reason or another, and yet I can't seem to find another company. i can't seem to find another industry to work in, nor do I have the capital to even begin it.
When I first got into this, I did so with calculator in hand. Despite the stupidity of not realizing this, I decided that there was some kind of "minimum" amount of deals I could close, and it would be all good. I felt like I could coast. I was afraid that if I put in a lot of effort, it would become an addiction of some kind, I wouldnt be able to stop, and I would be stuck working 12-15 hours a day from home. But I think I went too far to the opposite direction. I didnt work hard enough. I didnt call my leads when I shouldve, thinking that I could meet this minimum # of sales np, and everything would be hunkey dorey. I thought I could take weeks off at a time, after a few good deals. I didnt need to study sales of course, I just needed to crunch the numbers into a calculator, and I was sure I'd make AT LEAST that much amount of money.
I was wrong. And now I feel like I have no way of escaping these decisions.
Below all this blatant stupidity was the mindset that created these decisions and blinded me to the utter retardedness of them, as I fantacized about what my life would be like after pursuing this.
I'd wake up late in the day, I'd make a few calls. I'd head out to the mall, chill, pick up chicks. I'd party at night. I'd hang out with friends on the beach. I'd get a group of cool people together and travel with them, to all the places in the world I'd wanted to see. Now I feel like I'm slippoing. Like I'm moving farther and farther away from this dream. Rather than moving closer.
In the end, the mindset that made this happen was FEAR. I wanted freedom so badly, that I was afraid, no, TERRIFIED, that when I got it, when I actually achieved the freedom which I wanted to bad, that I would lose it. It is such a big deal to me to have this. I was afraid the world would change, the economy would collapse, my business would come tumbling down, and crash. I was afraid that some strange outside forces would destroy me forever and I would be left, head bowed down and taking orders from a boss. This fear is what paralyzed me I believe. It's what forced me to fail at something I so easily could have succeeded in. I'm not entirely sure why I'm going in to all of this. I dont know if it matters anymore. But most of all, I don't know if this is some kind of stop along the way to success, or a sign that I will fail.
I guess I posted that as a warning for people, the newer folks, but also, I posted it to see if anyone knows of some sort of light at the end of this dark tunnel. Some way to recover from my past failures. I could really use some advice from some top people on this forum, if any are still here. Anyways, thanks for reading all this. I guess I just needed to get my thoughts on paper and share it with the world, hoping I might not be the only one going thru this struggle. Thanks.
-FF
Long time no talk. I don't know if any of you remember me, or if any of u were here during when I posted, but it's been quite some time now away from these forums, and it's good to be back.
I havent had a job for some time now. A very long time. The closest I've come in the last couple of years, was a couple internal affiliate positions I had a long time ago. One of the guys I worked with there referred to himself as my "boss". I was there for a grand total of 10 weeks, which was twice as long as the position I had after that.
Anyways, in lieu of the 4hww spirit, I've been sort of working for myself, as an affiliate salesperson, in the Loan Modification industry, and I also spent 5 months in Thailand. I'm 22 years old right now.
I've come to a point where I feel like I'm stalling. In order to succeed in the business Im in, I felt like I had to temporarily move back in with my father, so I didnt have to pay rent, and tho I did this, and was able to live in Thailand for a while during this time, I feel like the Loan Modification business is deteriorating, and that I had this one shot to succeed at freeing myself from cubicle prison, and I'm not succeeding at it. I dont have the money to go off on my own now, I barely have the money to afford new leads. The company I work with is unresponcive to me, and rejects most of my business for one reason or another, and yet I can't seem to find another company. i can't seem to find another industry to work in, nor do I have the capital to even begin it.
When I first got into this, I did so with calculator in hand. Despite the stupidity of not realizing this, I decided that there was some kind of "minimum" amount of deals I could close, and it would be all good. I felt like I could coast. I was afraid that if I put in a lot of effort, it would become an addiction of some kind, I wouldnt be able to stop, and I would be stuck working 12-15 hours a day from home. But I think I went too far to the opposite direction. I didnt work hard enough. I didnt call my leads when I shouldve, thinking that I could meet this minimum # of sales np, and everything would be hunkey dorey. I thought I could take weeks off at a time, after a few good deals. I didnt need to study sales of course, I just needed to crunch the numbers into a calculator, and I was sure I'd make AT LEAST that much amount of money.
I was wrong. And now I feel like I have no way of escaping these decisions.
Below all this blatant stupidity was the mindset that created these decisions and blinded me to the utter retardedness of them, as I fantacized about what my life would be like after pursuing this.
I'd wake up late in the day, I'd make a few calls. I'd head out to the mall, chill, pick up chicks. I'd party at night. I'd hang out with friends on the beach. I'd get a group of cool people together and travel with them, to all the places in the world I'd wanted to see. Now I feel like I'm slippoing. Like I'm moving farther and farther away from this dream. Rather than moving closer.
In the end, the mindset that made this happen was FEAR. I wanted freedom so badly, that I was afraid, no, TERRIFIED, that when I got it, when I actually achieved the freedom which I wanted to bad, that I would lose it. It is such a big deal to me to have this. I was afraid the world would change, the economy would collapse, my business would come tumbling down, and crash. I was afraid that some strange outside forces would destroy me forever and I would be left, head bowed down and taking orders from a boss. This fear is what paralyzed me I believe. It's what forced me to fail at something I so easily could have succeeded in. I'm not entirely sure why I'm going in to all of this. I dont know if it matters anymore. But most of all, I don't know if this is some kind of stop along the way to success, or a sign that I will fail.
I guess I posted that as a warning for people, the newer folks, but also, I posted it to see if anyone knows of some sort of light at the end of this dark tunnel. Some way to recover from my past failures. I could really use some advice from some top people on this forum, if any are still here. Anyways, thanks for reading all this. I guess I just needed to get my thoughts on paper and share it with the world, hoping I might not be the only one going thru this struggle. Thanks.
-FF