Not getting Much Buys

[om20]

Made this eboook, started advertising it . The click rate seems pretty good. So its definitely the page.

Anyone have any ideas?

www.onlinedatingjerk.com

[Sven]

Have the grammar checked, too many mistakes.

Message unclear. Success with myspace is not what this site is about.

I do not know about other guys but a dating jerk is not what I would want to associate myself with.

[birdman]

how longs the site been around for and how many purchases have you had? if any at all.

[ikosuave]

For the dating thing - I think there are LOTS and LOTS of ebooks, dvd's, videos, etc... around.

David DeAngelo and others have been around for so long and some of them have their own TV shows and a few even have 24 hours worth of DVD's (this is just in the Americas). I think you're in a very large market and might want to focus slightly more on a niche market within dating.

Have you ever thought of pitching something like this to women? Not as in, here are our trade-secrets, but here are things to make sure you're not being played. I'm sure a lot of women don't realize the things that a lot of us guys can do to "create attraction"...

Anyway, just an idea.

[Link82]

Hi,

Yes, there are a few grammar mistakes as well as spelling mistakes that makes the site look unprofessional. Also, the website could be way more polished, it has this 90s sort of dated look to it.

Lastly, reading the text on the page.. stuff like:
"
How much ????

The thing I set in this book are invaluable and will change not just your outlook, but will change your lifestyle forever. There isn't any going back once you've had your eyes open to how easy this can get. My most personal techniques that I've used to meet hundreds of women from the internet are in this. I set the price at $49.99. Everyone I knew said "You need to set it higher, You'll make nothing if you sell it for that."
"

It seems like a scam. Seen this on way too many sites. Just be honest and straight to the point.

[Stallion]

Let me give you some advice... just the way I see it. I didn't really read your letter, but I gave it a skimming and thought I'd give some points.

- The header at the top of the page adds absolutely no value to what you're selling. Lose it. Remake it. If it is doing nothing than it's just a distraction. Take a look at the top dating product at clickbank (here (http://www.guygetsgirl.com/index.php)). No header. No graphics. No bullshit. The words sell.

- "This site and the products and services offered on this site are not associated, affiliated, endorsed, or sponsored by Myspace/Facebook, nor have they been reviewed tested or certified by Myspace/Facebook." Put this at the bottom of the page.

- "Are you ever overwhelmed by the amount of dating material on the internet?
Not anymore....." I really don't like that centered. I don't know why. It just makes it hard for me to read. I have to work for it.

- I really don't like your headline either. It just doesn't mesh with me. It doesn't get me excited. It doesn't tantalize me. And I think the reason is that it doesn't come off tangible. I saw this in your letter and it stuck out more. "How to take a girl from the internet to your house in less then 30 minutes". This seems like a much better headline.

- Some of your paragraphs are a little too long.

- Change header font to Times New Roman

- You don't exactly explain what exactly the jerk thing means. Like, I know it since i'm familiar with the niche, but your customers don't know it. They see jerk and the first thing that pops into their head "well, I don't want to be a jerk."

- Under the heading "Here's what you'll get", you should use actual bullets and not just -. Also the red headline and then the red points is sort of distracting.

I'm sure this is enough for you to chew on for now. Oh and this is constructive criticism designed to help you. Don't take it personally.

[Stallion]

On last thing. The red headers distract me too. Don't play with colors. Just keep it simple. Keep it black. I took a screen.

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/4502/pageh.gif

It's the black header that stands out the most and looks the best. My eyes glaze over when I see that red on white background. The dark red on the headline is fine though.

edit: Okay, I took sometime to read through most of your letter. Don't get upset with the criticism. It's going to help you make a better sales letter, so don't get upset.

Have you tried every method of dating out there? The Dating and Online Dating Market have exploded!!! There is an over saturation of things to buy. Don't let people convince you that its hard. Because it extremely easy.

This is your first paragraph and it is weak.

The first sentence just comes off like an advertisement. The second sentence is irrelevant to a buyer. Let's say that I'm your buyer. I don't give a shit whether the market is growing or not. I just want to get laid. The same goes for the rest of your paragraph.

You have to hit me hard with your benefits first paragraph or I'm not going to read anymore. Tell me the benefits I'm going to get. Am I going to be dating a different person everyday of the week? Am I going to get friends with benefits? Why should I read on?

It got so bad that I came to the point where I ACCPETED that I'll be alone forever.

Let's ignore the fact that accepted is spelled wrong. A big part of copywriting is cutting out non-essential words. "that I came to the point where" is completely irrelevant to the meaning of the sentence. "It got so bad I ACCEPTED that I'll be alone forever." Same meaning, less words.

That's just a point and you should go through your letter to eliminate fluff like that.

Turns out she had an "uber" crush on me.

Don't use internet slang unless you're sure every single person that comes to your site will understand it.

How did I handle this? I scared her off faster than a rodent I found in my kitchen. I had not dealt with attracting girls in years, how was I suppose to know any better? This incident forced me into a deep depression. I now wanted a girl, but had no way to get one.

So what happened? "Scared her off faster than a rodent" really doesn't paint a picture. Did you try to talk to her? Did you say hi, but didn't know what to say after that? Was there an awkward silence that made her bail on the interaction? What happened?

I've tried Match.com, E-harmony.com, plenttyoffish.com, and every social networking site around. I went through the trial and errors. I tested every line, every approach and developed my own system. 90 percent of guys approach online dating COMPLETELY wrong.

When the wave of social networking sites like Myspace, Facebook, and Hi5 came around, I felt I could really dive into a site that had a more diverse group of people on it. Dating sites seemed to have the same archetype of women.

I started tailoring my game toward myspace, and found that it wasn't all that much different than a regular dating web sites. Once I found my stride, and learned from my mistakes, online dating was 20 times easier then bars or clubs ever were. I was putting less time in, with more results out of it.

This could be a little difficult for people to understand. I understand it because I know Myspace and Facebook (never heard of Hi5). Once a reader gets a little confused, they'll stop reading. I'm not sure how you can word this out though.

Even the term "social networking" isn't understood by a lot of people. What I took away from the three paragraphs: I started picking up chicks on Myspace and it was easier than dating sites, clubs and bars.

Oh, the word "archetype" is too advanced for a lot of people.

You Can Get Number after Number just
Sitting at Your Own Computer!!

Nice. A solid tangible benefit.

This Material is Completely
Different then Other Products
out There

As a potential customer I don't care. And even if it was different, why would it matter to me?

I want to share with you the ability to learn on your own. Other products want to continuously make money from you, so they'll give you only part of the pie. My goal is to give you every resource to have you not come back over and over. I want you to never need help with this part of your life again. Life is too short, I wish there was someone around to help me when I was learning. I feel that my book will cut your learning time in half so you don't have to bear as much of the trial and error I did. I had to tweak and alter things as I learned more and more. This book is tailored almost directly for any dating or social networking site. Anyone can apply these techniques.

Your first sentence doesn't help. I don't want to learn on my own. I want someone to tell me what to do. I want it to be easy to get laid.

This is an example of a long paragraph and you're saying way to much. Forget the second sentence too. In fact, screw this paragraph. The "learning time in half" thing makes me feel like I have to work. I don't buy to work. I buy to make things easy. That's not to say I won't work at it, but I want to emphasize easy, not work.

Tell people what they're going to get, not how they're going to have to work. Tell them that they're going to get 20 dates every week. Tell them that they're going to attract beautiful women.

-How to take a girl from the internet to your house in less then 30 minutes

-How to take an awesome profile picture, no matter how you look like

-How to get girls to respond to you with minimal effort on your part

-Spending no more than 6 dollars on a first date

-Organized proven system that is repeatable on nearly any girl

-Things that you can apply NOW! and get results.

The first point is great. It's good enough to be the headline for the entire page.

The second point is a feature. "How to take a picture that attracts beautiful women to your profile"

The fourth point is weak and really not a selling point for what you're selling.

The fifth is a good point, but needs work. "My system have been PROVEN to work on hundreds of women on Myspace" or "A system that has a 91% success rate over and over again with sexy women".


-----

You get the idea. Your sales letter needs a little more meat to it. It's not that long. Add in a PS at the end and hopefully that will help you get more sales.

In the end, you have to connect with your potential customer. You have to give them what they want and you have to illustrate that point in the sales letter. You can have a kick-ass product, but no one will buy it if the sales letter doesn't reach them.

Always think BENEFIT instead of feature.