How to convince my wife?

[Burner]

Dear all,

My muse is getting there, and I can already work from any given location.

Question is, I'm ready to start hopping around the world, but how do I convince my wife to quit her job and come along with me? I could afford to support her completely, and the "gap" in her CV can be filled by saying that I'm an ex-pat, and she followed me around the world, while learning languages and doing volunteer work.

But how to approach the matter?

[jakediddy]

I'm having a similar issue with regards to LD and my wife. She lets my do my own thing, so long as I don't destroy our finances, but she seems to look at the matter as though it is immature and unstable.

Our views on life are more or less polarized (although we do have many binding goals) - I am quick to develop an interest in new ideas whereas she prefers to follow the beaten path of traditional living. Most of the time, I see this as a system of checks and balances which keeps life safe yet enjoyable, but I am determined to show her the beauty of LD.

My current pet peeve is that I recently bought a pair of Versace sneakers from a Chinese wholesaler. I'm assuming the pair to be fake and expected them to be when I paid $60 for them including S&H. The end result, in my mind, is a unique pair of sneakers not found at Famous Footwear that costs the same as any other pair. The only difference is they're a copy of a high-end brand. My wife, however, does not look at it that way. For some reason or another, she's angry with my decision to buy fake sneakers from a potentially non-legit website run in China. You can see the two perspectives, I'm a bit more optimistic in the way I qualify and quantify things.

Perhaps you and your wife are the same way. Let me know if you make any progress - I'd love to do so myself!

[luiscongdon@msn.com]

I think this all amounts to a breakdown in the aspect of shared dreams.

In this case each partner has different dreams, and different paradigms. I have now begun to communicate to my partner in new ways about this issue. When I first told my gf she was not for it. She said, "Grow up." You two know this response.


How did I do it?


Since that conversation I have spent more time with myself resolving what LD means, the importance of LD for myself. I talk less with her about it (remember less is more) but my FEELINGS about LD have become more inspiring to me. Get where I am going?

I changed, so naturally she changed.

Her concern is really stability. I focused less on the finances, but more on happiness, family, and that type of stability. I also let her know that happiness will always bring exponential growth in finances.

I listened to her and she is now more understanding. I took some of her advice, and showed her that I am willing to be INFLUENCED.

I am a marriage counselor, that word INFLUENCED is key to a successful marriage, especially for men. So, listen to her and allow to show her that you can be influenced. Be creative in how you show that. I showed influence by saying, "I will find cheap ways to attend these seminars. I will look into seminars that talk about relationships." BAM! She is now more supportive and more willing.

I suggest talking to her about some parts of 4HWW that will inspire her, but don't talk to her about the book or how you are wanting to apply the concepts. Just ask questions that get her thinking about LD, and 4HWW concepts.

[Burner]

Luis, thank you so much for your insightful answer. I obviously realize this will take some time.

I guess it's down to being patient and applying the last line from your post.

Thans again.

[jakediddy]

I think my wife and I are beginning to understand each other better regarding dreams and aspirations now. Instead of talking about selling products online we talked about how it's important to define your dreams. We seemed to finally click on a subject we generally agreed to disagree on in the past.

[saveTheWorld]

You convince her to try it the same way you convinced your boss to let you work from home: if they don't realize it from just simple explanation, you find a way to give them no choice but to try it. I don't recommend the, "I'm leaving you if you don't quit your job," card, but there's likely a solution somewhere in between.

Maybe just leave by yourself for a while. Send her an email every monday saying how awesome it is. Pull the old, "just take a week off and come here," routine. Puppy dog close!

[saveTheWorld]

I'm not going to pretend like I'm married, so that solution may not work. But it worked on your boss, did it not? You worked too hard on LD to just have it backfire that easily. You just gotta Tim Ferriss that last aspect keeping you from your NR goals - your wife.

[camdengirl]

Unfortunately women are just more risk averse and home-orientated than men in general. For example, my dad was a pioneer of moving to where the lifestyle suited his budget - but my mum would not be budged from her home town. We ended up staying mostly at home.

I'm a woman (that's why I'm allowed to make sweeping generalisations as above about them!! :D ) however I run my own business and went through the scary jump from just making money doing the job to actually making money from delegating most of the donkey work a while ago. The jump for easier for me because I could see the benefit to my lifestyle and dreams by making it work. That's what you have to do with your wife.

I can see why she wouldn't want to give up her job where she earns her own money to rely entirely on your income - it's not about the affordability, it's about having an equal footing. Why not encourage her into the lifestyle by showing her how to make it work on her own?

I can also see why she likes going to work, meeting her friends and being near family. If you go travelling it's a pretty intense experience in terms of being together and social interaction with others - would you both enjoy that much contact with one another? Is there some compromise where you perhaps spend part of the year travelling and part of the year with friends/family or maybe take up hobbies closer to home?