Being unique and different

[Joanne]

Does anybody else feel quite isolated from their friends and new people they meet?

I have been doing Internet Marketing for a couple of years now, I spent 6 months in Bali last year as my first of many mini retirements. I am in a very lucky position now where I can stay at home and look after, and build upon our Internet businesses, whilst my boyfriend goes to work (he landed in a great contracting job when we came back last year).

I have had to move to new cities since I came back a year ago. Currently I live in London,UK. I meet new people and although they are VERY interested in what I do, I just don't get the feeling they really 'get it'. Those that have tried, tend to not have the patience or time.

I am interested in what any other 26 year old girl is, but I am not interested in just existing through life, and this is where I find I struggle to connect with most people.

I love the situation I am in and have worked hard to get the life I have always dreamed of. I am definitely not a 9-5, working for others kind of girls and so my life changed dramatically when I read the 4HWW.

Does anybody else have this issue? I would love to be able to surround myself with like minded individuals or is that wishful thinking living in the UK and being around the rat race?!

Thanks for your time

[nikitakolata]

I know exactly how you feel and I feel it too. I haven't been able to break free from the 9 to 5 routine yet, but I despise it. I hate my job and field and I basically have no respect for my boss (why should I respect someone whose IQ is 30 points lower than my own and who basically does nothing?).

I'm really at my wits end with my career and desperate to get out. I have tried talking to my friends and family about this, but all I ever hear is "I hate my job too, but that's just how it is." Not even one person seems to consider that there could be another way to make money. It is extremely frustrating. Even my husband, who is so great to me, doesn't get it. He just thinks that everything would be better if he earned enough money for me to stop working.

The thing is, I don't mind work! I actually enjoy many many things that normal people consider work. I just don't enjoy the work I am doing now. I have no desire to sit at home and be some sort of sloth all day... I just don't want to sit at this desk and bore myself to death while I wait for meaningless work to fall into my lap. Why no one can understand this boggles my mind, actually.

I don't have any great advice, but I think I understand how you feel. I cannot wait to leave this job and entire field behind. I know I'm not going to miss it at all... I just wish I had a better exit strategy.

[TimWieneke]

(why should I respect someone whose IQ is 30 points lower than my own and who basically does nothing?).

Well, he/she did figure out a way to basically do nothing for more money. ;)

Joanne the secret is to either find or create real life networking groups of like minded people. I did this with real estate and my best friends are other entrepreneurs I met through real estate investment networking groups. You are the average of the 5 people you most associate with so I make it a point to befriend people with the right mindset. People that are cool when they won't see me for extended periods of time but understand that the world is small and we are connected. I happen to know LA has a 4HWW "real life" networking group that meets at a coffee shop I think. You can get a London one started with a simple meetup group and some internet postings. Go for it.

[nikitakolata]

Well, he/she did figure out a way to basically do nothing for more money. ;)

True enough. Although, if it's possible, I think I actually do even less work than he does... I'm just trapped by his whim which says I need to sit here for 8 hours a day even though I am not doing anything! Talk about frustrating! :confused: The difference between him and I is that he enjoys being in this environment and I loathe it. He needs to get one of those handy things that I like to call a life! :)

[jakediddy]

Nikitakolata,

What if you invested in a domain name and hosting space, and during your extended periods of off time at work, started a forum or blog or something?

I understand we're different people, but if you had my personality that would be something enjoyable to do. Maybe that will help you brainstorm.



Joanne,

Perhaps you should get on Twitter (and read the book Twitter Power) and begin to network with like-minded individuals. Once you get a decent number of followers you could start a Facebook or Ning group for your local/regional area. Once again, just an idea that will hopefully help you brainstorm.


- Jake

[johnnywolf]

Hey Joanne, I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing myself.

What it comes down to is envy and ignorance. When we meet people and tell them about our "jobs" and our lifestyle, it threatens their reality.

The great thing is when we do meet life minded people, our bonds are that much stronger. However I've learned not to push into other people's lives that aren't ready yet. They just need to find it themselves.

Even telling my friends and other people to read the 4 hour work week is like pulling teeth!

[Joanne]

What great responses and a great way for me to start the day.

nikitakolata - I can really relate to you. I hated work too, luckily my other half is who introduced me to 4HWW, so I don't have that issue. My parents are the ones who I am still battling against. I really can't understand how people could not be interested by the 4HWW?!?!
I think you should look into blogging etc, that will be an excellent thing for you to concentrate on.

TimWieneke - This is an excellent suggestion. It is not like I do not think about these things but I get put off because I do not know how long I will be here for. I would like to think London will always be my base and where better to start something like that anyway. Thank you!

jakediddy - It is about time I start looking into using Twitter properly. I hardly touch it but understand how powerful it can be. No excuse really in this day and age to feel cut off from like minded people. Thank you!

johnnywolf - That is exactly what I have been thinking. When someone asks me now what I do, I kind of don't want to tell them. Thank you for replying.

[luiscongdon@msn.com]

True enough. Although, if it's possible, I think I actually do even less work than he does... I'm just trapped by his whim which says I need to sit here for 8 hours a day even though I am not doing anything! Talk about frustrating! :confused: The difference between him and I is that he enjoys being in this environment and I loathe it. He needs to get one of those handy things that I like to call a life! :)

This struck me as interesting. You have a lot of pent up energy regarding him, yet it's all your energy. What do you think it says about you?

I know the 4HWW changed my thinking and made me realize I had to change. Not others. I spoke to my partner, my boss, and primarily myself. All the opposition I met was just me being reflected back to me, I went and spoke to myself some more. The relationship between their opposition and me changed. That made all the difference.

Maybe your boredom is saying something to you? Boredom, and all other feelings of dis-ease are signs that something has to change (it can be you or the you outside yourself-the outer experience that makes you bored).

good luck.

Also, have you created your LD?

[Darth Fluffy]

Not only that I feel isolated, I feel like a loser.

[nikitakolata]

This struck me as interesting. You have a lot of pent up energy regarding him, yet it's all your energy. What do you think it says about you?

I know the 4HWW changed my thinking and made me realize I had to change. Not others. I spoke to my partner, my boss, and primarily myself. All the opposition I met was just me being reflected back to me, I went and spoke to myself some more. The relationship between their opposition and me changed. That made all the difference.

Maybe your boredom is saying something to you? Boredom, and all other feelings of dis-ease are signs that something has to change (it can be you or the you outside yourself-the outer experience that makes you bored).

good luck.

Also, have you created your LD?

I haven't read 4HWW in awhile or read these forums for that long, so I apologize if this is a silly question, but what does LD stand for?

You're right, I have a lot of pent up energy! I'm quite frustrated, but not sure what to do. I can do my job in about 2 hours a week and I could do it from anywhere. There is no reason I need to be here physically, except that my boss says I have to if I want to have this job. I'm trapped by my own choices now, because my husband and I purchased a house about 2 years ago that requires my income to pay for. We have the house for sale, and if/when it sells, I'm free! We can easily move someplace less expensive, and I'll have the freedom to explore work that doesn't pay as well but that I'll enjoy.

I spend most of my day at work trying to find another job, simply so I can use the offer as leverage to get the remote work arrangement I want. That might work, or it may backfire and I'll be forced to take the other job while I wait for my house to sell. For me either situation is an improvement because at least the beginning of any new job is busy when there's a lot to learn. I have this job down to a science and since I've been here since the company was founded, everything related to my job has been my decision and tailored to my personal work style and preferences. I know there are companies set up exactly as this one is who have 3 or 4 compliance people... I cannot imagine how that could possibly be necessary, but what do I know?

I've considered blogging... I just don't know what to blog about! I had a decently popular blog about losing weight that I was very dedicated to when I was losing weight for my wedding last year, but now that the weight is gone, my interest in weight loss has dwindled too. I have all day to sit and think, so I just keep at it and hope eventually I'll stumble across a good idea.

[Marcie]

LD = lifestyle design...

[officer_dibble]

Does anybody else have this issue? I would love to be able to surround myself with like minded individuals or is that wishful thinking living in the UK and being around the rat race?!

Thanks for your time

If you are ever going to meet the right kind of people - it'll be in London. It doesn't matter how obscure your interest is - there's probably at least group of people regularly getting together.

Internet Marketing - yep. Look out for interesting events via new media age:

http://www.nma.co.uk/diary/

or maybe via the forums on:

http://econsultancy.com/forums

and London is rammed full of people who see work as a means to travel rather than an end. And there are definitely a few London based 4HWWers on here.

[clanshrapnel]

I agree with a lot of what's already been said in this thread. I find there are a number of different types of people I have trouble getting along with.

There are those who lack the discipline and drive to do what you're doing, so they would rather hate and bring you down to their level than to emulate you. It's unfortunate because if you try to push them to do the same thing as you, they usually end up bringing you down.

Then there are those who 'just don't get it' and to them, having a 9-5 job is a way of life. Working hard (and not necessarily smart) is a top priority. Some cultures (especially asian cultures) seem to stress this. Some parents will fit into this category. 'Just keep yourself busy with work and good things will come.'

Then there are those who see money as the end all. To them, amassing money at any means is the most important goal in life. Of course, if you ask them what they'd do with that money, 9 times out of 10 they have no clue.


When Tim Ferriss said you may estrange some of your friends, he wasn't kidding. Your values and perspectives totally change, and despite efforts, sometimes you just can't click with the same people as before. So some of your friends may spend weekends getting drunk to relieve the stress of their jobs, but you're more interested in developing yourself to enjoy life overall. How do you reconcile a huge difference like that? Seems impossible to me.

And there seems to be no shortage of haters who will insist on seeing you fail (e.g., 'friends' who do 'status checks' on your muse... but notice when things go well and you let them know, they don't really talk to you as much).

Cutting off these 'friendships' are inevitable, but it's for the better, IMO.

[Joanne]

I agree with a lot of what's already been said in this thread. I find there are a number of different types of people I have trouble getting along with.

There are those who lack the discipline and drive to do what you're doing, so they would rather hate and bring you down to their level than to emulate you. It's unfortunate because if you try to push them to do the same thing as you, they usually end up bringing you down.

Then there are those who 'just don't get it' and to them, having a 9-5 job is a way of life. Working hard (and not necessarily smart) is a top priority. Some cultures (especially asian cultures) seem to stress this. Some parents will fit into this category. 'Just keep yourself busy with work and good things will come.'

Then there are those who see money as the end all. To them, amassing money at any means is the most important goal in life. Of course, if you ask them what they'd do with that money, 9 times out of 10 they have no clue.

When Tim Ferriss said you may estrange some of your friends, he wasn't kidding. Your values and perspectives totally change, and despite efforts, sometimes you just can't click with the same people as before. So some of your friends may spend weekends getting drunk to relieve the stress of their jobs, but you're more interested in developing yourself to enjoy life overall. How do you reconcile a huge difference like that? Seems impossible to me.

And there seems to be no shortage of haters who will insist on seeing you fail (e.g., 'friends' who do 'status checks' on your muse... but notice when things go well and you let them know, they don't really talk to you as much).

Cutting off these 'friendships' are inevitable, but it's for the better, IMO.

I had to giggle to myself whilst reading this, as I can relate people to what has been said here very well. :D

[maxkay]

Hi Joanne,

It was really interesting reading your post. I wish I had some answers for you, but all I can do (and this is partly for my benefit) is share my story and say that you're not alone in asking these questions.

I went away to South America January to June. Developed some money making blogs while I was away so that when I came back to London I didn't need to get a 9 to 5 job. I'm not earning 40k per month, but making enough to live alright. I left London again a month ago with the intention of staying at my parents for a bit before going off somewhere again, but now I'm thinking about moving back there. I left mainly because I found it immensely lonely living back in London without the social system of a 9 to 5, but then the flipside is moving somewhere different in the world is probably going to be equally lonely. Sure you can meet people for a few months doing an activity, but in my mind it just feels far too transient.

I'm 27 so although in some ways I like the idea of starting a hostel on a beach, say, it just feels like ducking out of life.

Max

[nikitakolata]

Maxkay,

What strikes me as interesting about your post is that you said you feel lonely without the social system of a 9 to 5 job... Honestly, that is one of the things that makes me feel so different from everyone around me; I really have no interest in having strong social relationships with my coworkers. I've always had too much going on outside of my job to really have time for social outings with my coworkers. I wish I didn't have that pressure to be friends with them outside the office; I feel bad constantly turning down invitations and sometimes I feel left out because I don't see any of them outside of work but they see each other. It doesn't bother me much, obviously, or I'd just make time to forge stronger relationships, but I'm going to assume you know what I'm saying.

I guess my point is that it is definitely possible to have enough going on socially that you don't need that 9 to 5 social connection. I simply don't have time for it, there are way too many people I'd rather be with and things I'd rather be doing. I made most of my good friendships in college, but I've also made many friendships with people I've met online and through my husband (who I met online, not surprisingly). I agree that if I was constantly moving to new places or taking long trips I would feel like any relationships I made were too transient. I definitely appreciate having longer term friendships.

I suppose this is just one more thing that makes me different from the people I'm around all day... Does anyone else sometimes think ignorance is bliss? I sometimes wish that I was like those around me more and felt that working 9 to 5 really was the only option. I truly believe that it isn't though, and I just need to find my muse...

[MichelleBrown]

Firstly, we can't get too mad or disappointed with those who don't "get" the 4HWW. If everyone did, there would be no one to do those boring, mainstream jobs we need doing to keep our society running as it does.

Secondly, there is a certain social element of 9 - 5 work, even if you wouldn't socialise with these people elsewhere. Being home a lot, even working from home or with small children, does have its own elements of frustration.

Thirdly, if you want help on where to start blogging and making (some) money, try the Thirty Day Challenge. It covers all the technology bases, including Twitter and other things I hadn't even heard of, explains how to find a market and how to create content.

Fourthly, well, that's probably enough, except to say things don't always turn out as you expect them to but, as we all know, the definition of insanity, as stated by Mr Einstein, is doing things the same way and expecting different results - so do something different!!

[kingfu]

This thread is BS. Who really cares that other people don't "get it"? Seeking validation from other people is a sure fire way to misery. While you're sat there thinking "i wonder what this person thinks of me" do you really think that other person actually cares? might they actually be as or even more self engrossed than yourself?

Sounds to me like alot of you just need to get some more hobbies or something and give value to other people instead of trying to steal a pat on the head.

[liam75005]

I think the real key is to find other entrepreneur like minded people that will understand our goal. I know that my family don't quite understand what I am doing now and that they hope for me to go and find a new job soon... but i dont think it ll happen any soon.

I met some schoolmates that have also started their business and I am now in the process of networking with them to get support from like minded people.

[clanshrapnel]

This thread is BS. Who really cares that other people don't "get it"? Seeking validation from other people is a sure fire way to misery. While you're sat there thinking "i wonder what this person thinks of me" do you really think that other person actually cares? might they actually be as or even more self engrossed than yourself?

Sounds to me like alot of you just need to get some more hobbies or something and give value to other people instead of trying to steal a pat on the head.


seeking validation from strangers vs. getting along with people who were/still are close friends and family are 2 different things.

if you don't care to get along with anyone, including life-long friends and family, sounds like you might be the unhappy one.

[kingfu]

seeking validation from strangers vs. getting along with people who were/still are close friends and family are 2 different things.

if you don't care to get along with anyone, including life-long friends and family, sounds like you might be the unhappy one.

Get real. If your friends or the OPs friends can't get on with you because you dont work a normal 9-5 because you're so "unique and different" then you need to get new friends and stop having some prima donna rant because you're such a beautiful and unique snowflake.

[DrummerDave]

Fortunately, my friends all envy what I am doing, although I am still far from the liberation step (I still need to increase revenue at least 5x).

I think they'll be supportive when that time comes, however long it will take.