Please Evaluate My Press Release

[Gongchime]

Gregory Alan Turner
085-238-398728
Ashoka33@hotmail.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NEW MUSIC COMPOSTION COURSE USES EXPERT COMPUTER SYSTEMS TO TEACH COMPOSITION

April 17th 2009 DARPA’s Bootstrap Learning System (SRI?) is being developed by the military to help computers acquire knowledge from human experts. Similarly, Gregory Alan Turner’s music composition course has just been released which also uses an expert system approach to help budding composers compose more and better music quickly just like the experts.
The creator of the system went from being a completely unknown to being featured in magazines such as the Brazilian magazine Qualidade De Vida, getting signed music contracts and his music accepted into music libraries because the method works. Expert Systems make the difference: Developed and tested by Professional Composers and Expert System computer programmers.
The most popular composition courses are based on building up short motifs but compositional facility is based on the ability to transform existing music.
The Write Song, in contrast to other courses and composition software, was developed by analyzing the largest number of expert composers ever. What is the reason behind its effectiveness? The commonalities among top composers was isolated and combined with Expert System computer programming approaches to provide a user-friendly system for giving beginning and intermediate composers the capabilities to compose alongside the top composers in the world in less than 2 hours. Counted in years and thousands of man hours of investigation and experimentation, the Write Song has been proven as the most effective step-by-step procedure in the world for increasing compositional effectiveness and speed of output.
There are now computer musical composition systems that are able to convince experts and average listeners that the computers are expert humans playing music. The listeners can't see that the music is being played by a computer. The people programming the systems are able to teach something as dumb as a computer to create music good enough to fool experts and the average listener. They can teach budding composers a thing or two. Actually, this is only a fairly recent phenomenon. In the past, music composed by computers never sounded like it could have been composed by a person. They weren’t fooling anyone. Even now, most still aren’t. Only the latest developments in Expert Systems make that happen.

[Jon Alan]

I studied music composition in college, I think that if you got that in front of the right people there would be a demand for it. The PR appears very non-threatening and should generate some genuine interest. I would recommend shortening some of the sentences, I found it a little too easy to get lost in some of them. You also have a singular modifier used with a plural noun. I think is was commonalities and then you had a singular modifier. that comes off as a little amateur and may cause some people to reject what you have to say just because of it. Silly, but that's how people are, especially composers. Anyway, that's my suggestion. You could also mention the name of the product a little more so that people are clear which one you are talking about. It gets a bit gray in places. Good luck. -Jon Alan
VQ Success (http://www.vqsuccess.com)

[Matthew Connors]

Work out how to say the same thing in half the words and with sentences half as long and it will be much better.....Dont be scared of selling and promoting the benefits of your product a bit more blatently.

[maxpr]

try to lead with your software mentioned first before the DARPA part. maybe re-word it.

i used to write for a paper, ill try to look it over tomorrow and give you my opinion/tips if any.

[officer_dibble]

Like the title - found the rest hard going. Took 4 readings to get it.

Some suggestions re: structure:

Title
Explanation of what's happened. Is this a product launch/won an award? Why should I be interested in this now?

About The Write Song (TM)
Describe it - including the problem(s) it solves (eg 8/10 composers struggle to get signed in their first year - why?). Cool/unique things about it - The developer of The Write Song (TM) spent xxx years analysing the composition patterns of the top 1000 composers of all time.

Have a quote/soundbite (here's the place to add a little colour/PR speak/metaphor):

Gregory said:

"The Write Song (TM) gives the budding composers the edge in learning and using the secrets of the greats."

Even better if you can get a testimonial from a user:

"I went from being an unknown to signed in six months thanks to The Write Song (TM)"

Also need to say how/where you can buy the system.

About Gregory Alan Turner
Gregory is the world's leading expert in xxxxx and inventor of Write Song (TM). He regularly is invited to speak/doing something else exciting that suggests you're an expert eg PhD etc.

Notes

Gregory Alan Turner is available for interview. Photographs/screenshots can be supplied on request.

References etc.

[janet444]

I don't understand the relationship between the first sentence of the press release and the rest of the press release. After I read it a few times, it seemed that the first sentence had nothing to do with the rest of the story. Is that correct?

Whether it is or not, I would suggest being sure the first sentence is related to composition.

When I tried to edit the press release I realized why I had trouble understanding it. The statements are vague. Use specifics. Also, be more clear and simplify. See my parenthetical comments.

Your title has a typo - be sure to fix that as it will make a bad impression on editors!

NEW MUSIC COMPOSTION COURSE USES EXPERT COMPUTER SYSTEMS TO TEACH COMPOSITION

Here's how I might change the release - my comments are in parentheses:

Newly Released Music Composition Course Convinces Experts that Computers Are Human Musicians

April 17th, 2009 - Gregory Alan Turner’s newly released music composition course, The Write Song, has convinced experts and average listeners that computers are expert humans playing music.

The course uses an expert system approach (what is an expert system approach?) to help budding composers write more and better compositions quickly just like the experts.

Turner has been featured in magazines such as Qualidade De Vida. He has signed music contracts (provide more details if feasible) and his music has been accepted into (name some specific music libraries here?) music libraries because the method works. Expert Systems make the difference: Developed and tested by Professional Composers and Expert System computer programmers.

The most popular composition courses are based on building up short motifs but compositional facility is based on the ability to transform existing music.
The Write Song, in contrast to other courses and composition software, was developed by analyzing the largest number of expert composers ever.

What is the reason behind its effectiveness? The commonalities among top composers was isolated and combined with Expert System computer programming approaches to provide a user-friendly system for giving beginning and intermediate composers the capabilities to compose alongside the top composers in the world in less than 2 hours.

Counted in years and thousands of man hours of investigation and experimentation, the Write Song has been proven as the most effective step-by-step procedure in the world for increasing compositional effectiveness and speed of output. (You say it has been proven - provide details on this proof.)

For more information (provide some kind of information here so that people can visit your website or contact you).

####

(The number symbol means it's the end of the press release. This should be centered on the page. You could also use the word "END" in all caps.)



(in this last paragraph, you're editorializing - in a press release you need to stick to the facts)

(After I posted this, I realized that I had missed the last paragraph. I think the press release is better without it as it does sound like editorializing and a bit of advertising.)

The people programming the systems are able to teach something as dumb as a computer to create music good enough to fool experts and the average listener. They can teach budding composers a thing or two. Actually, this is only a fairly recent phenomenon. In the past, music composed by computers never sounded like it could have been composed by a person. They weren’t fooling anyone. Even now, most still aren’t. Only the latest developments in Expert Systems make that happen.

[janet444]

One more tip: In a press release, you can include quotes. You can quote yourself. This allows you to add a little personality and maybe even a little bias - to be added carefully, of course.

You might want to add a quote in the third paragraph or so. Not sooner than that.

Hope this is helpful.

Janet

[janet444]

Work out how to say the same thing in half the words and with sentences half as long and it will be much better.....Dont be scared of selling and promoting the benefits of your product a bit more blatently.

Matthew, in an ad that would be the case, but it's not okay to sell your product in a press release. It must read like an unbiased news story.

Janet

[nghs22]

Matthew, in an ad that would be the case, but it's not okay to sell your product in a press release. It must read like an unbiased news story.

Janet

She is 100% right.

[kamakiri]

I put out 8-10 press releases a year and get a few hits on each of mine. Your format stinks. This is not a sales letter, but the title still needs a hook. It conveys nothing to me. Rephrase it to offering a solution.

Break it up.

Add a section heading to the bottom titled Background, and throw the last paragraph under it. Most news rooms really are looking for news to run, but the people reading are also human. They want to know what you are talking about in as few words as possible, so give them the opportunity to gloss over parts.

Don't use abbreviation. I don't have a clue what "SRI?" is. Serotonin re uptake inhibitors or Sanskrit for she? I don't care if I look dumb by asking about it, I make mistakes all the time, but most people are averse to looking dumb, making it 1000 times easier to toss your PR in the trash than to ask for clarification, and then just think you were too rude or inept to include an explanation.

That sounds harsh, but people are harsh. It is easy to ignore you and it is easier to throw stuff in the trash (or the trash bin on a PC).

[Gongchime]

Thanks for the great feedback guys.

You're the best.

Greg