Eliminating friends

[jumpcat]

Hmmmm, how to I rid my spiritual closet of friends that aren't jiving w/ me anymore?

[sub8hr]

Just stop hanging out with them? Nothing is a bigger downer than being surrounded be negative nellies.

[JKohlbach]

Yep.. autopilot is the way i've dealt with a couple. But you also have to realise that not everyone is as passionate about certain things. One of my besties for example has no interest in any of this, or any sort of investment.. seems he's very much living for the moment, which i sometimes admire. But I want more out of life later on, which is why i'm prepared to sacrifice some of my time and energy now.. that doesn't mean i don't want to be friends :)

[jumpcat]

Thanks for the input. One friend in particular continues to telephone me. I asked her to stop. She then sent an e-mail. I ignored it. Though, it does bother me. I suppose time will heal all.

[kamakiri]

Be mercenary. Kill your phone. Change the number if you must have one.

There is nothing that says you must answer your phone when it rings. Just don't answer it. Every time you answer the phone, you enable your friend to continue calling.

If you do answer, do not say don't call. Say you are busy and have 1 minute to talk, ask what you can help with, then cut them off after a minute.

If they have nothing they need help wit then reply with an, "Oh!" They will get the clue soon enough after you hold them to 1-2 minutes and cut them off every time the call.

[badhank]

Kamakiri you have a lot of great ideas and well thought out posts. I would have liked to hang out with you and b ur friend but it doesnt sound like i would make the cut.

[jumpcat]

Yes, indeed. I do tend to let her calls go to voice mail.
I care too much for far too long. Time to move on. Thanks for the suggestions.
Smiles
C

[reapr]

I have similar problems in the past. Some of these life blood dream suckers have even told me that most of the things that are now working in my life would not work. Consider them life leaches of sorts. Use a dandruff shampoo of sorts to shed those flakes of life.
All funning aside just don't respond to calls and make yourself unavailable.
Should you have to spend time with them tell them how great your life is and they will often scurry off like roaches in a well lit room.

[samduncan]

Thanks for the input. One friend in particular continues to telephone me. I asked her to stop. She then sent an e-mail. I ignored it. Though, it does bother me. I suppose time will heal all.

Just laugh it off and ignore her. It helps if you can screen your calls, too. I hope she stopped bothering you.

[Bleyer]

Why don't you just move on with your life? As you have less in common they just seem to fade away.

The one's that remain are likely to be blood suckers - and I mean that in the nicest way - because they want a bit of what you've got. When you get on with your life then won't be able to keep up anyway.

If you want to change your friends then you are going to have to change your environment too - if you keep on going to the same pub, drinking the same old drinks at the same old table then don't be surprised when you find yourself surrounded by the same old people.

[Bleyer]

Just a thought to take it further peer group is, to me, one of the most important things that there is.

When you need someone to talk with, bounce ideas around or need someone to go somewhere with, then you have got to have the right group around you. I find that most people are happy being miserable. The highlight of the week is friday night when they get completely tanked up in order to get over the 5 days of stacking shelves. Alright they may not stack shelves for a living but mentally they do.

I gave up wearing a watch years ago and it creates a void between you and 'them'.

I used to go clay pigeon shooting midweek because of the weekend cues and found it to be a lonely experience. so I went over and said 'hello' to someone else and all of a sudden I had a shooting buddy. Turned out that he had won the lottery and was bored out of his head. So in a way, I did him and me a favour!

Find some good people and meet up and do things with them regularly. It will solve many of your problems.

Bleyer

[brucefenton]

hang with the people you really want and do the things you should and the nellies will disappear

[S.Charles]

Sometimes I am reluctant to let go of unwell friendships because I am still searching for "my people." I agree that a group of peers is powerful; I also know that ultimately we are each of us a culture of one.

Make best friends with yourself. The rest sorts out nicely after that.

[jasonwisdom]

If you're still on the fence, switch your (not jiving) bestie from your A list to your B or C list. It doesn't always have to be everything-or-nothing... and who knows your friend may end up following a similar path in a few years.