Half way through first ever landing page... really appreciate any comments

[Feenz]

Hi All

Following on from some very appreciated comments and suggestions in THIS (http://fourhourworkweek.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?t=2546) thread.

I'm now working flat out on my first ever landing page.

I was just about to type what the product was, but suddenly thought, it might be better to just give you a mock-adwords ad (not optimised) and for you to look at it, so I can see if it gets the message across.

This is just the first 1/3 or so of the page (at time of writing) so lots more to come and will be adding to it in stages over the next 24 hours or so.

So.. an example pseudo ad :

Advanced Impreza
Subaru Impreza Driving Techniques,
from the World Record Holder

(OK OK.. its a rubbish ad.. but here's the link - and the url will change when launched)

http://www.scoobysport.com/fhww/advancedimpreza/

I'd be really grateful for any comments and advice you can give me at this stage.

Cheers

[Sven]

Looks really nice!

I know the copy is not ready yet but so far the only thing that stands out to me is "introduction", I think you could lose it as the site is now.

But keep going!

[storm33229]

Petter should be Peter

[Feenz]

Petter should be Peter

It's actually Petter. :)

Thanks Sven. I'll drop the "INTRODUCTION" title. Thank you.

[flyingduck]

Love the site - real attention grabber!
What are you using to set up the template/site?

Suggestions:
- put a couple of testimonial in the upper right or left corner
that emphasis benefits

- a short video clip would be great too, but optional

[Feenz]

Love the site - real attention grabber!
What are you using to set up the template/site?

Suggestions:
- put a couple of testimonial in the upper right or left corner
that emphasis benefits

- a short video clip would be great too, but optional

Thank you!

I'm just mocking it up in photoshop currently, and then using dreamweaver to put some basic layout in place.

Will redo all the html once I'm happy with the general layout.

Good idea re the testimonials. Do you think its really important that its high up on the page? I'm a bit concerned about spoiling the visual impact of that top section. Which may be a stupid thing to be concerned with as the current layout may hurt sales.

I plan to try many different versions anyway.

[JKohlbach]

Haven't got time to read the content atm, but the layout is nice and the colours are a good choice. Don't forget to put your title tag :)

[bmonsma]

Hey, very nice. Love the colors and the button to download. Very attention-grabbing. Quick ideas:

Say something dramatic, like "Drive like your life depended on it" somewhere bold. It adds excitement.

Name it something cool. If I hadn't read your posts on here, I'd have to search for what the product is.

Your captions are great and I think they could be tweaked to be really effective. I'd find it more effective if the catchy one that said, "Well, over it, anyway!" Talking about the stage said something like, "Phil and Petter on stage, or rather, a few feet above it!" Keep it one sentence and professional. My grammar could be off and maybe check my use of commas. :)

Impressive site overall. Nice first go.

Brandi

Edit:

Just a quick glance at your site again reminded me to suggest trying really hard not to dog the car or anything about it. You don't want to sound like you're pushing your product by making a dramatic deal about faults in the car. As a potential customer, I'd become skeptical if I heard or sensed that. If I were a customer, I'd think you obviously like the car, otherwise you wouldn't race it with enthusiasm, so you must really want to sell this ebook if you're talking about certain aspects in such a disparaging way.

I think you could be borderline doing that now. Maybe reword it a little so it's softer. It's a fine line between softer persuasion and selling that makes people skeptical. I think that's why Tim suggests pawning negotiating lower on a boss and offers excellent guarantees. So people feel safer taking the risk and he can sell less on the "front-end" if that makes sense. Be less forceful, just appeal to what customers would be interested in, anyway.

Bye again. Don't want to hurt your feelings by offering feedback...

[JDSalinger]

Hi Feenz,

I agree with other posters regarding the color scheme and layout. This is very good and looks very professional. In addition, its seems to fit the product model, it looks very cool looking and doesn't look to salesy or cookie cutter like.

If I were to make a suggestion, maybe make it clearer exactly what it is that is being sold and why the customer wants it. When I first read through this the first time, it was unclear to me on exactly what you were selling and why I would want it. It seems that you are selling a book that is teaching you how to drive a certain car really well. However, this is unclear to me and, I imagine others might be as well.

The other part of this is make sure you are showing the benefits of this. It seems you may be making the mistake of listing the features instead of showing the benefits. This is something I personally have trouble with on my landing pages and is why I am pointing it out.

Otherwise, I agree with the previous comments that this is a very good landing page especially for being your first one.

Hope this helps,
JDSalinger

[Feenz]

Hi Brandi

First of all, please don't worry about hurting my feelings. Your feedback is very much appreciated. I don't know what I'm doing here, so any guideance that can reduce the amount of trial and error is gratefully received :)

Say something dramatic, like "Drive like your life depended on it" somewhere bold. It adds excitement.

Great idea, thank you.

Name it something cool. If I hadn't read your posts on here, I'd have to search for what the product is.

Do you mean the title of the ebook?

My thoughts at this stage are :
1) The adwords ad will clearly say this is an ebook which is for sale, so if anyone clicks it, they know its a book.
2) If you arrive at the page, and are in the mood to think about buying a book on driving techniques for that car, I want that top part of the page to be enough to just draw you in enough to scroll down. Lowere down the page I was planning to start the harder hitting stuff.

I'd find it more effective if the catchy one that said, "Well, over it, anyway!" Talking about the stage said something like, "Phil and Petter on stage, or rather, a few feet above it!" Keep it one sentence and professional.

VERY good advice. Thank yo.

suggest trying really hard not to dog the car or anything about it.

Interesting point. I think I was coming at it from the other side, and trying not to oversell the car. In other words, I wanted to say.. look, I'm not absolutely in love with this car, so I have credibility when I say that overall they're outstanding. Maybe I've overdone it, and will look at tweaking the wording to soften it as you suggest.

--

Hi JD, thank you.

make it clearer exactly what it is that is being sold and why the customer wants it

Yeah, clearly this is an issue. I need to really think about how to do that if we all think its necessary to make it that abundant on that top section. I was planning to use the top section just to draw people into the rest of the copy, and then drive it home in that. Will have a good think.

--

Thanks guys!

[bmonsma]

Hey Hey,

Fairly off-topic and I'm sorry. I'd like to get the word out about the networking group I started earlier today, Networking for Friends and Profit. It seems like it would be worth a shot to create an ultra-centralized place for people to share resources and really network, if people want contact info or find a great tidbit. Saves PMs and time. Just pop into one spot and leave or request the info. Can also direct members to specific threads instead of having to PM everyone individually if you want specific people's advice. Here's the linkBecause I don't know how to send any other kind of link, here is the url, ha ha:

http://fourhourworkweek.com/vBulletin/group.php?groupid=1

It's 2 am here and I've got to get up soon. Feenz, glad you found some ideas helpful. I'll try to reply tomorrow. One thing I'd definitely do if I were you, though, is not rely on the AdWords to tell people what your product is. What if you hand out a business card? Or leave a post in forum where you can't necessarily talk about your product but you can make your name a link to your website? People click on your name and don't know what they're looking at.

Good night!

[Feenz]

Thanks again guys

Another chunk is now up for you to take a look at, and rip me to peices on! :D

If I'm honest, I'm not comfortable with the price.

What are your thoughts on this?

www.scoobysport.com/fhww/advancedimpreza

Thanks everyone!

[DaveCraige.com]

impressive work on this. you have definitely put in a number of hours .

great stuff.

[liam75005]

About the price, did you try auction it on ebay for example ?

That way you would check out the market and have an estimate of the price no ?

[Gongchime]

I agree that the car's faults should minimally be softer or maximally disappear.

Phil at the Office Buahahahahahahahahahahahaha: :D:D:D:D

Funiest shit ever. That's a keeper.

[rsmudge]

Hi Feenz,
I like your landing page, did you use a template to create it? The graphics and aesthetic are nice.

-- R

[CashCache]

Landing page looks great. I really like the guarantee at the bottom. In fact, I like it so much that I think it should be moved to the very top of you page. Seeing a guarantee like this takes me off guard when finding a new site. Having it at the top of the page may help keep potential customers (like me) on your page.

[Natura]

I am so glad to find your post. I am just thinking about selling ebook(on totally different topic) so this thread really helps me.

I have to say I am not expert in landing pages.

As many here said the graphics is just awesome. There is no too much information on page. Classical landing pages have too much info which most of time scary me away.

I am not into cars but if I were I would need to see videos. My quick idea is to create some videos and let people who buy your book see it. You could make it by providing special code or access on private youtube video etc.


I am really curious: How did you make Petter to review your book ? This and your record really convinced me about your skills.

[Feenz]

@liam

Can you auction ebooks?

@Gongchime

Maybe I've mis-judged the wording regarding the car's failings. I'm going to revisit. Thank you.

@rsmudge

Thank you. No, I just used photoshop and dreamweaver. I'm not a designer, but if I experiment for long enough, I know what I like when I see it :D

@CashCache

re: moving the guarantee up to the top. This is a great suggestion, and I can't believe I haven't done it already! Thank you.

@Natura

Thank you. Agreed regarding the videos. I think this is going to be the best way to upsell from this site.

Regarding the foreword. I know Phil through other work I do, and he very kindly offered to write the foreword.

If you wanted someone famous to write the foreword to your ebook, I would think it should be fairly straight forward if your content is good, and you pick the right person.