What makes us happy?

[Livingstone]

On the filosophical side of the 4hww i have stumbled upon some sort of dilemma...

Many of the 4hww followers strive for freedom. We believe breaking away from the normal paths, creating a life with more options will make us happy... But our brain has a neat trick when we don't have options, and are willing to accept the situation we are in: we subconsiously change our view of the situation so we wil become happy with it.

Please check this inpiring talk by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html
Especially the section "freedom of choice"

So, are we wasting our time trying to change our life? Shouldn't we just try to accept the situation we are in and become happy? :confused: (And shouldn't we have a good glass of red whine while considering these things?)

[kamakiri]

I know Tim recommends a bottle of wine. That works pretty well for me too.

[froldt]

But our brain has a neat trick when we don't have options, and are willing to accept the situation we are in: we subconsiously change our view of the situation so we wil become happy with it.

So, are we wasting our time trying to change our life? Shouldn't we just try to accept the situation we are in and become happy? :confused: (And shouldn't we have a good glass of red whine while considering these things?)

I guess that I'm just not willing to accept the situation. I've tried different jobs and haven't found anything that makes me happy yet. After a few months, or sometimes days/weeks, I am ready to quit because the thought of working there is horrible to me.
So for me, I think that it's harder to accept the situation than it is to try and change it.

[adubsizzle]

Tim also says that you don't have to quit your job. He doesn't really talk much about this because he is really into travel and the likes, but if you don't have the desire to quit then you should really just work on time management. If you can get more done in less time then you have some free time to do whatever... Like work on a Muse?

Also, if you don't feel like traveling or whatever then what about just having stuff? I mean try and fulfill your goals, go back to school and learn to be a chef, or for heavens sake hire a chef, buy your dream car, or start a new business. I think that if you aren't into travel to make you happy there must be something else out there.

I personally want to travel the world for a while, but I figure I will get bored of that so I'm going to learn a new language, or try to make the semi-pro's in a sport like tennis or golf or something. Do as Tim says and Liberate yourself from your job, then use the free time to do something else constructive.

[jonparker83]

I guess that I'm just not willing to accept the situation. I've tried different jobs and haven't found anything that makes me happy yet. After a few months, or sometimes days/weeks, I am ready to quit because the thought of working there is horrible to me.
So for me, I think that it's harder to accept the situation than it is to try and change it.

I'm EXACTLY the same as this (although I've only had the one job)

It almost infuriates me that my friends are so happy just to roll over and accept the crappy existence that the majority of them have.

It's not like they enjoy their jobs. They don't even THINK for themselves enough to realise that there is more to life than working 50 hours a week in jobs that they hate so that they can afford the cars that they need to drive to work in, and the houses that they spend most of their wages on...

All so that, aged 60, they can have a fully paid mortgage and then either cash-in and live it up (as OAPs) or just die and end up passing it all on to someone else.

I find it so hard to accept that all the people I once thought were 'just like me' are happy to sit there and exist!!

Does it make anyone else mad like this, or is it just me!? lol

[Livingstone]

@ froldt:
I recognize that so much. I'm not capable of accepting it either. I know I can improve it and that does it..; I have to go for it.

But what astounded me in the research was that people with less options (more relying on the ability to accept the situation) where actually happyer with their situation in the end. Are we handicapped?

Maybe the difference is, now I come to think of it, that they knew they didn't have a choice. When you have the confidence you can create a better situation you have that choice. Which can be a burdon. If you have the option you have the responsibility of taking the option or not, and how, and when, etc, etc. Oh, decissions, decissions!

I can be jealous of people who don't have that itch and are just happy. In fact my best friend is really a master at this, a lovely guy actually. Really not working 50 hours, not getting the money he knows he could get, but no regrets, enjoying every minute of life! It's a kind of zen to go with the flow and see the beauty of things, isn't it?

I'm EXACTLY the same as this (although I've only had the one job)

It almost infuriates me that my friends are so happy just to roll over and accept the crappy existence that the majority of them have.


lol! Join the club man, you're not alone! And exactly those people need to brag about their jobs / wages only to convince themselves its all worth it.. The unbearable lightness of being! I find it increasingly difficult to have an exciting conversation with them, I'm afraid. I end up convincing them to read the 4HWW, or even worse, I don't..

Damn, I finished the wine..

[Frank]

It all comes down to choice. Most folks don't realize that they even have choices, let alone that they make them every day.

One of my favorite Far Side cartoons was of a sheep standing up in the middle of a whole flock and saying "We don't have to be just sheep!"

It also reminds me of the opening scene in the Charlie Chaplin film "Modern Times". It's a street scene of a large crowd of commuters coming out of the subway exit on a work morning. The image of the people slowly dissolves into the image of a herd of sheep coming out of the same subway exit.

Most folks on the forum have either left the flock or are looking to. That's why reading the postings here is so enjoyable.

[froldt]

But what astounded me in the research was that people with less options (more relying on the ability to accept the situation) where actually happyer with their situation in the end. Are we handicapped?
I think that depends on your point of view. I will never be happy staying in the small town until I have traveled and learned more about the world in the hands-on fashion. While that might make me less happy than some right now, as I do the traveling and learning, and afterwards, I will be more happy, thus passing them up. Something else might (and I assume it will) then catch my attention, making me temporarily unhappy, but again, as I pursue it I will become more happy. Perhaps the over-all happiness rating will be higher for those of us who go after our options, even though it might fluctuate more.

Who would be happier? Someone with a steady 3-4 (out of 10) or someone who fluctuates from 1-10, with an average of 5? (Can't think of a better way to explain it.)

I do agree, I sometimes wish I could be happier in my current situation. However, over-all I am very happy, even though I have my low days.

Damn, I finished the wine..
LOL'd!

[jonparker83]

Who would be happier? Someone with a steady 3-4 (out of 10) or someone who fluctuates from 1-10, with an average of 5? (Can't think of a better way to explain it.)

I know exactly what you mean here too and I'm definitely in the position where I'm fluctuating between high and low.

The thing is, at the moment on a daily basis, I recon I'm probably averaging 2/10.

It's not until I remind myself where I am and what I'm doing that I spring back up to a 7.

I think the key to this must be utilising ALL of the advantages that a 4HWW life gives offers you as if I wasn't living here right now I would certainly be a lot more miserable.

I think you NEED the bad times to appreciate the good times anyway. Whether you are a 9-5 person who everages 4/10 every day, or a millionaire who averages 9/10 every day - without dipping down to those 1/10 or 2/10 days, you can never appreciate the feeling of a 10/10 day.

If every day is the same, then every day is just 'normal'.

[frekwentflier]

I respectfully do not subscribe to the position that one must have down days to appreciate the up days. In fact I've tried very very hard the past few years to get rid of many, if not ALL, negative influences in my life (jobs, negative people, troublesome belongings, etc.) The biggest one was breaking up with my extremely negative girlfriend.

So now just about every day is a very positive day for me. Do I need a negative day every once in awhile to appreciate that? Heck no, all I need to do is remind myself how bad life was 3+ years ago! And then immediately forget about it and be happy! Or look at the many people out & about and how negative their lives are, then realize that I do not have to be like them anymore.

Many things around us in our everyday lives are geared to making us feel bad about ourselves. The news being one of the primary sources. I believe you just have to create your own reality and not get sucked into the black pit of negativity that others try to pull you down into.

[froldt]

I respectfully do not subscribe to the position that one must have down days to appreciate the up days.
...
So now just about every day is a very positive day for me. Do I need a negative day every once in awhile to appreciate that? Heck no, all I need to do is remind myself how bad life was 3+ years ago! And then immediately forget about it and be happy! Or look at the many people out & about and how negative their lives are, then realize that I do not have to be like them anymore.

(Not trying to be argumentative, just conversing.)
While you might not have down days now, you have had them. So you're still comparing up to down.
I agree that you don't have to have down days. However, to know that you're not having down days shows that you know what they are, and are able to avoid them (ie: avoid the things that would bring you down). I think that this is something that you have to learn from experience, unless you are just blessed in your life and were taught from an early age what/how to avoid negative influences.