hypothetical:

[badhank]

Lets say ur 2 closest friends definitely cause you the 80+% of all your grief, do you eliminate them and hang out with everyone in general less, or do you hang out with your not so close friends more frequently? If the latter, will some of ur not so close friends raise ur grief levels because you have afforded them the opportunity to spend more time with you? If this cycle consistently happens is it perhaps you causing all the grief to yourself using others as a vessel?

not in this situation, just thinking 80/20 and this came up

[Sven]

I do not believe that someone that gave me so much grief could be a best friend.

[kamakiri]

Dump them, or go out and buy Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. You won't be able to fix them, but after reading the book you will be able to deal with them better.

[badhank]

Best friends can give u the most grief as they r closer to you, says i

I have "How to Win Friends and Influence People" as an audiobook i believe, i listened to it a year or two ago, from the best of my recollection i found the material was stale and uninteresting. That is to say it didnt suit my tastes, worth a listen tho if others are interested

[TimW]

Define "grief"

[badhank]

the urge to punch one in the face, which later passes over a beer

[EditorDude]

It comes down to this - that which makes you stronger, move towards - that which makes you weaker, move away from. And that goes for 'friends' too - choose your friends carefully, you're not doing yourself or them any good if all you are doing is wasting your time by lowering the value and quality of your life through wallowing in negative emotions whilst in their presence. Even when you're not in their presence, the effects are there long after. So seek out people whom you aspire to be like and learn from them - people that add value to your life by allowing you to spend time in the emotions you want to feel. That does not mean to keep you in your limited comfort zone (in fact the opposite) but to allow you to grow and achieve the things you want for yourself.

A good beginning strategy to avoid negative people is to turn them in to email only friends - so you don't have to 'talk' to them. Just tell them you are a bit short on time at the moment but keep in touch via email. I would be interested to hear about other strategies too for avoiding timewasters and negative energy people.

Sorry if I went on a bit and it's too deep - but I feel this is a major part of the 80/20 application to life in general.

[Caesar_X]

I would agree with EditorDude here. Of my three best friends (20-25 years each), one of them almost always has time for me (even though he is 2000 miles away), one of them rarely has time for me, and one of them is always ready to complain on the phone for a 1/2 hour with me.

Which one do you think I spend 90% of my effort on?

[badhank]

I would agree with EditorDude here. Of my three best friends (20-25 years each), one of them almost always has time for me (even though he is 2000 miles away), one of them rarely has time for me, and one of them is always ready to complain on the phone for a 1/2 hour with me.

Which one do you think I spend 90% of my effort on?

2000 mile friend! thats my guess

[TimW]

I would agree with EditorDude here. Of my three best friends (20-25 years each), one of them almost always has time for me (even though he is 2000 miles away), one of them rarely has time for me, and one of them is always ready to complain on the phone for a 1/2 hour with me.

Which one do you think I spend 90% of my effort on?

The female with the biggest boobs, of course.


(old joke...google it)

[webgal]

Clearly there is too much testosterone on this thread. <grin>