Is It Time to Kill Sacred Cows In Your Relationship? (#77)

Danielle Teller and Astro Teller on the Tim Ferriss Show

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Dr. Astro Teller is a computer scientist and entrepreneur who currently oversees Google[x], Google’s moonshot factory. Dr. Danielle Teller is a physician specializing in intensive care and lung medicine; she has trained doctors and run research programs at Harvard University and the University of Pittsburgh.

Together, they are the authors of Sacred Cows.

In this conversation — my first podcast with a couple — we cover a lot of my usual questions (favorite books, routines, philosophies of living, etc.) but focus on something I haven’t personally figured out: relationships.

It’s important to note that the Tellers are not “for” marriage but, rather, “for” the freedom to decide how to live most honestly and happily, whether as part of a couple or as a single person.

Combining the rigor that has established them as leaders in their respective fields, Astro and Danielle walk me through how they think about relationships, and how they survive and thrive as two driven people.

Sidenote: Want to see me tackle dating experiments, struggle with live “cold approaches,” and optimize online dating with a computer hacker? Be sure to watch my “Dating Game” episode of The Tim Ferriss Experiment here.

Enjoy the podcast below!

You can find the transcript of this episode here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

#77: What Do Google X, Medicine, and Great Relationships Have In Common?

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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: Are you pursuing monogamy? Why or why not? Have you figured out other rules that work for you and your partner? Please (seriously, please) let me know in the comments! I expect this thread will have some great suggestions.

Scroll below for links and show notes…

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Selected Links from the Episode

Get the Book on Amazon | Google Play | AstroTeller.net| SacredCowstheBook.com | TEDxBoston

Recipe for a Monogamy Cocktail

  • 3 Parts Rosemary-Infused Vodka
  • 2 Parts Vanilla-Infused Cognac
  • 1 Part Lemon Juice

Show Notes

  • A little bit about the work of Astro and Danielle [6:30]
  • Thoughts on the usefulness of a long-term plan [11:30]
  • Deconstructing how Astro and Danielle approach challenges and plans [12:35]
  • Exploring the “soulmate” concept of one true love [15:50]
  • Differentiating between true love and society’s view of marriage and divorce [19:30]
  • New ways of seeing marriage and creating space from social pressure [22:45]
  • Why Astro and Danielle decided to get married for a second time [28:44]
  • Thoughts on fear factors [31:00]
  • The reasons for getting married in authentically happy couples [34:20]
  • The most common mistakes type-A men make in large relationship decisions [36:20]
  • How Danielle and Astro first met [39:35]
  • Exploring my own fears of losing at the game of marriage [41:45]
  • How Danielle and Astro view conflict resolution in their marriage [46:30]
  • Family rituals of Astro and Danielle [50:35]
  • How Astro and Danielle think about managing spouse and children relationships [55:35]
  • The worst advice for “significant other” relationships [56:50]
  • Do you know single people older than 40 who are authentically happy? [59:55]
  • The most impactful $100 for Danielle and Astro [1:08:50]
  • Favorite/most-gifted books [1:13:35]
  • Who is the first person who comes to mind when you think “successful”? [1:19:30]
  • If you could ask anyone from all of history 100 questions about anything who would you choose? [1:22:05]
  • Ways in which medical/scientific training has helped with family relationships [1:23:15]
  • How Astro Teller thinks about death and how to live life intensely every single day [1:31:30]
  • How Danielle Teller measures the success of a day [1:40:15]

People Mentioned

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